My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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