I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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