I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
