I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
