I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
