He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
