They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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