Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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