we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
