i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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