look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
