I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
