The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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