I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
