Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
