does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
