If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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