I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
