if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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