what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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