If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
