More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
