just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
