Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My vagina just recognized that song.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
