anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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