My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My pussy is not your playground.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
