He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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