Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
