dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
two words...techno handjob
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
