Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
