Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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