tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is my gift to your gina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
