Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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