i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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