I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
