Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize