You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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