oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
