wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
