We're like a lot better than the average bears
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
