Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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