y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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