too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
