A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
