well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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