The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
