Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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