I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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