lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
