____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
