I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
