Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
