Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
