Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize