piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
