I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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