The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
