We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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