She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
