my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The adults are the big ones right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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