Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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