There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
