Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
