So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
