Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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