My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize