i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
