Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
