The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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