so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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